Solitude

In life we each search for a reason, a reason to be who we are a reason to continue living and more than anything we search for something profound that will not only inspire ourselves but others out there who unbeknown to us actually see us as their role models or a source of inspiration.

I am still searching for my reason, my prayer; that I will find it soon... what ever it may be... until then...

I stand alone... feeling presently dejected

I can't pinpoint anything, or say what exactly has happened to bring about this shift in mood, except that it is the feeling that has currently taken over my complete being.

Strange it is... that one can be surrounded by so many people and so many forms of entertainment yet feel down in the dumps and bored out of their skull. I have just been chatting to my two best friends... simultaneously ALS and JP and yet not even my brief conversations with either of them could make me feel any better, in fact I would say that prior to speaking to them both I was feeling quite happy and upbeat.

I am still unsure as to what caused the sudden shift in mood, though it may be something to do with what I was discussing with them both, and a realisation that I am more or less in the same place I was 2 years ago emotionally and spiritually. In essence this realisation has somewhat disappointed me, I have high hopes and aspirations for myself and the thought that I haven't changed or grown much in a 2 year period has left me despondent. Who knows maybe my friends and family may disagree with me; however from my vantage point looking down... not a lot has changed.

I am still unsure about too many things in my life; personal and professional and in my mind there shouldn't be any room for uncertainty.... it shouldn't be a word I become familiar with.... and so I shall remind myself of my quest for Inner Sanctum.