Maybe It Really Is!!???

Now the final part of Dawn's saga as I know it and my reasons for writing about it.

He calls and Dawn goes running, eager to try and resolve their differences and so at 2am she leaves her mother's home once more to move back in with him. They have apparently been able to get over the fact that he had literally kicked her out. She moves back in and here it comes... his next demand it's your JOB or Me!!! You need to quit...because apparently he will be getting a job soon, even though after more than a year he hasn't seemed bothered to ... WTF....

I pondered writing about this until the last straw, it was too unbelievable not to write about, too strange for me to imagine a woman in this modern times putting up with all of this bull. So I chose to share.. to hopefully enlighten others out there who may be faced with a similar situation but never took stock to analyze it.. who may be holding on to something that doesn't exist or at the very least a love that is unrequited.

My conclusion, the only plausible argument I can give to myself to excuse Dawn's actions, it's her first boyfriend... and the first cut really is the deepest. I'm not sure how many of you remember your first.. but it always seems to be the one you can't quite let go of too easily...for me it was anyways it was harder to pick up and move forward, harder to accept that your ideals on life aren't as black and white as they appear. That's when the realization sinks in that those romance books you've read are called fiction for a reason. Life is built on experiences and sometimes we've got to open our eyes and realize that we have had an experience and to let it go, to end it and to learn from it...

I have always been pragmatic in my approach to many things in life, making decisions for me and not because others think I should. I only hope and pray that Dawn will wake up and realize that there is greater and better in life... that because one relationship fails all wouldn't... to wake up and realize that being alone is just as great as being in a relationship and finally to learn to love herself and to know herself.

It's really a sobering story and as unbelievable as it sounds it is someones truth, someone's life. Having discussed this story in depth with my mother bless her soul, she rejoices because according to her even though she wasn't a strong person in her youth she is safe in the knowledge that at least her daughter has some sort of inner strength and character.

Or is it?

Continuing with the story of Dawn, having acquired a dog they could ill afford and feed, it was inevitable that the dog will become ill and that they would be unable to afford its medication thus poor doggy had a short life span and Dawn unlike the smart person that she appeared to be growing up was out with her boyfriend looking for another dog.

Somehow common sense took over or maybe it was the lack of finance and luckily they did not acquire another dog. Continues there seeming bliss, with Dawn paying the bills and even though they were sharing a house with other friends/ relatives of her boyfriend, the rent which was meant to be split 3 ways was totally paid for on quite a few occasions by Dawn, who with a few promises of having her money returned have yet to smell a scent of or even glimpse her money back.

Then it happened coming home from work one day, she is greeted by her bags packed nicely for her and a request for her to leave as she is no longer needed as apparently he has now figured out how to use the washing machine.

Writing this I am still awed that someone can put up with all of this and still be seemingly oblivious to the fact that love is not meant to be like this...

Where would you be, would you have been there for months paying the bills whilst he's unemployed and seemingly without any aims of finding employment? Would you be content at being taken for a ride by his friends/ family?

I definitely wouldn't be... I can't say for sure that I wont ever be in such a situation as no one knows what the future holds, however I do believe I'm too much of a strong character to be strung along, too focused on achieving things in my life to be held down. And I've definitely found someone who has my best interest at heart.

The First Cut is the Deepest

I haven't posted in a while but I've been inspired to do so by some unbelievable stories I've been hearing as of late... and I'm wondering if any of my blogger friends would fall prey to a similar situation. I hope not! I certainly can't see me being in this position.

I will lay the plot..

Dawn is young, pretty and smart. She's 18 and has met a guy who she falls head over heels for, before long she has moved out of her parental home to live with her boyfriend. As mentioned previously she is smart, has found herself a well paying job for someone her age, earning as much as £22000 per year. Her boyfriend, he's jobless, a pampered child, spoiled further by the lady in his life, who pays the bills, including the rent and gets him everything he asks for. Including a dog they can ill afford to keep and maintain.

I ask you so far... Ladies would you be wise enough to see yourself through this situation?

To Be continued...

Parents, Where would we be without them

Today is still the 17th of June and with that I would like to publicly wish my dad blessings on his birthday and pray that he shall see many more with me to share them with. It's now 20 minutes before midnight and I shall be wishing birthday greetings to another parent.

On the 18th June my mom reaches a milestone as she is going to be 50. Luckily for her she doesn't look 50 and prides herself on the fact that a work colleague recently thought that she was still 35.

So to my parents who have thought me much in life, to be independent of will and mind and to also be able to stand up for myself and others, I say thank you. Like any family we have differences but I won't trade them. I Love you Mom and Dad...


I am Changing…


Half a woman half a child
Story of my life for but a while


Living in a world ruled by Man
a microcosm stricken by inequities
derailed by injustices and impieties
forced to face the reality
of mortal fallacy

Acknowledging the ways of the Land
to acquiesce
and show penitence and benevolence
the essence
of continued human existence.

Learning from my parents,
to accept all things in life
Facing each struggle and strife
With humility and optimism
Willing to accept any criticism

Seeking advice of others
Seeing not as authoritarian my elders
but rather as friends, and mentors
Listening and understanding
Before at first undertaking

Now that I am a Woman
and more mindful of others
My kindness, acceptance and love I show to my earthly brothers
and even though from my mouth my love I do not spew
My actions and writings convey how much I do


Half a woman, half a child
Story of my life for but a while



Copyrighted© By DDS 28/05/09 Dedicated to My Parents.

Please look up... Please!!!

From as far back as I can remember my family back home in St Vincent have always had pets, my grandmother on my mom's side of the family had lots of dogs running around her yard and I was always fascinated with puppies and kittens I mean how can you not adore them when they're all small and playful and unforgivably cute. My dad's family were a lover of both dogs and cats and there was always a cat winding its way between feet. I accepted them as part of the family and at times stroked or rubbed at their furs and ensured that they were well fed and cleansed.

I wasn't totally in love but hey they were there, and despite a close encounter with one of my gran's dogs (In my naive way of thinking and reasoning I thought it amusing to clap in front of each dog until one appropriately named Rover growled and lounged at me snapping it's teeth) when I was about 5/6 I still played with the dogs and cats around the house. This soon changed at the age of 12 when one of our neighbor's dogs bit me, from this day forth I detested dogs and this detest soon passed on to include animals and anything that was basically not human.

You may be wondering why I am reminiscing about my childhood, well I had an encounter today that reinforced even further this distaste of dogs. Firstly let's digress for a bit, the unthinkable is seemingly happening to me, I have put on weight not a huge amount but enough so that it is noticeable by myself and enough to make me want to ensure I do something about my fitness, not to lose the weight because let's face it, growing bigger boobs is a plus for a skinny person. In my quest to ensure that I am at least fit, I have agreed to accompany a work colleague and neighbor on a half hour's jog each weekday morning at 06:30. We have been doing so successfully for the last few weeks and have encountered a few dog walkers in the park on most mornings.

They seem to think that they have free rein of the park and are always walking their dogs unleashed. So, this morning I'm jogging around, when I noticed dogs in the distance, I immediately stopped and commenced walking as I have a fear of dogs since being bitten. One of the dogs upon seeing me stopped it's sniffing, looked at me with it's head cocked to one side then proceeded to run towards me growling, I thought; stand still play statue, but it continued growling then eventually barking and the stupid owner is off in the distance playing with the other dog not noticing my distress, upon hearing the persistent barking though she finally looks up and realizes what was happening and called her dog towards her, which thankfully it did and I started walking again, but then it came rushing back at me barking and growling once more, at which point my heart started pounding at an extremely fast rate I contemplated running and climbing up a tree, but the trees around were too small and leafy and looked difficult to get to any safe place, and I figured by the time I got to it the dog would be on me, I promptly started crying and trembling not sure what to do but try and stay still.

Thankfully she was able to call it off once more and had the gall to tell me don't be scared it's only a pup. Okay, if it's only a pup why in the hell is it bigger than my 2 year old niece and more importantly why is it growling and barking at me... I immediately went up to my colleague and promptly told her that I was going home and had no intentions of using that park again, better safe than sorry I'd say

I know there are a lot of animal lovers out there but right now i'm going to repeat...

I HATE DOGS.

On to Greener Pastures

So yet another person has left my work place for greener pastures, this time it's our training officer and of those that I work with, she's definitely someone I'll miss a lot. Even though she hasn't failed to remind me on a daily basis for the last 3 weeks of her count down to her departure.

It wasn't a huge gathering due to a break down in communication but whatever it was those of us that did turn up had a fantastic time. The food was lovely, we had Indian and I must say that it was unexpectedly good, not because it was Indian but simply because I didn't know that the restaurant even existed even though it's only a 5 minute drive from my house, and because it's in Slough. I know I live here but I haven't got too many high expectations of it. We had a blast and those of you who did not come... you missed out. It was a nice group of like minded fun loving people just bent on having a good time.

Ms Hughes... you'll be missed and thanks for your kind words...

East Indian Influences- My Soca Memories

I was up until 2:00am last night, doing not a lot much, stumbling to my room, I realized that I could hear the sweet sounds of music emanating from above, one of my neighbors was obviously having a party. I listened carefully trying to distinguish the beats and lyrics of the song playing and I realized to my surprise that it was recognizable to me, it was the sweet sounds of SOCA. I felt immediately like gate crashing even though I knew not whose party or where exactly in the building it was coming from. I hadn't listened to SOCA music in quite a while and I was longing for it like an alcoholic to alcohol. My memories took me back to my trip home to Vincy in 2006, when I had an absolutely fabulous time with my best friend JP and his friends and got familiar with the songs of that period.

I was lying in my bed gyrating to the songs from above, finally I was lulled into sleep. Today I had to listen to some Soca in particular a CD of music I had from that year, I played it at full volume and stood on my balcony singing loudly in my out of tune manner and gyrated my hips to the sweet addictive hip moving sounds of Soca... one particular song I couldn't wait to hear was 'Dont Stop' by Shurwayne Winchester. It's Soca with a twist of East Indian influences and makes me dance every time...

My First Asian Wedding!!

I attended my first Asian wedding today, it was interesting to notice the significant differences in celebrations and culture and not surprisingly I was the only black person in the crowd and my friend the only white...

I did not let this faze me, I did ponder whether I was being stared at however I think it would have all been in my head. Due to late notification I was not dressed in Asian garms however I did remember to make sure I was modestly covered, and despite the pictures below I did wear a shawl to cover my cleavage... Funny but the the first and last time I wore this dress I was at another friends wedding, and I also happened to be the only black person in the crowd as it was a Greek wedding.






All in all, it was an interesting but enjoyable couple of hours.

Return to Glory!!

I have returned from my 3 week hiatus and made myself and mother a meal today of Teriyaki Beef.

Uhmmm it was a welcome back that my stomach was welcoming, I was supposed to have cooked last weekend, but having not had the chance to go shopping prior to the day, last Sunday's meal was a bit of a mish mash and I absolutely hated every piece of it. I couldn't quite see past the blandness of what I had created and my palate was craving for something more flavorful and deliciously unexpected.

Thankfully that weekend taught me that there's no going back, there is need for experimenting even when that experiment produces something unpalatable. If you like sweet peppers, soy sauce, and a sweet tasting meat then this is a recipe for you which requires only a few ingredients and is so easily made that even the most inexperienced cook should have no problems making it, this was served up with rice and vegetables.

For desert this week, I made another cake, my mother suggested making Carrot cake once more, however I quickly shut that idea down and advised her that the point was to try new things, not to repeat. I made an Orange Sponge cake, which tastes great, I totally enjoyed it and had it with a side helping of vanilla ice-cream.

On a different note today is my brother's birthday and he is now 31, the oldest of 3 children my mom has. It's weird, but although he's older, sometimes I feel closer to him than I do to my twin, the 3 of us have always had an extremely close bond. Whenever I want straight up opinion and advice I turn to him as even though I may not want to hear, he delivers it in a manner which allows me to see reason and accept. Happy Birthday B.O.Wood!!

I love it

I love reality Television, particularly the talent competitions, the strangest oddest people always surprises you with what comes out of their mouths.

I mean how is it that he can do this??? The last thing I expected was this.

The Price of Wisdom.. Say Ahhhh

Is this really the price I have to pay, if so I can well do without the stress or pain of it all. My wisdom teeth have been trying to grow for what seems now like forever, it's been so long that I can't quite recall when it first started or even fathom having them still growing at the ripe old age of 27. I've always wondered why others moan so much about their wisdom tooth and claim that it caused them so much pain because until this week that pain was a strange phenomenon to me, as each time any of mines decided to grow a bit more it was but a mild irritation which only lasted for a day or two.

On Tuesday of this week my nightmare as I now see it began, I experienced pain I have not had since a child and going through the rare pains of a toothache, you know the feeling; the kind of pain where you're not sure if it's the one tooth that's slightly shaking or if it's all. The kind of pain where your head hurts and you can't think clearly let alone muster up a smile or operate cohesively.

Sad to say I am going through that right this moment. When it started I thought okay a bit worse than previous occasions but it should calm down, was I wrong, I soon ended up swallowing as much as 5 pain killers that day, just so that I can get through my working day and sleep for a few hours. The following day I was a bit braver and sucked it up a bit more, and today bliss, a sort of weird numbness. But, it was short lived, my entire top left jaw feels inflamed and I am very deliriously considering finding a pliers and plucking all my teeth out. I have never felt such excruciating pain in forever, not even the worst menstrual cycle can compare at present.

To everyone who I have laughed at in the past or secretly disbelieved in regards to your pain suffered from your wisdom tooth/teeth I humbly and sincerely apologize.

I have slept all but 2 hours so far tonight and have probably given myself an overdose of pain meds which are now seemingly ineffective. My next step... book a damn dental appointment as soon as daylight appears and the office opens and get the infernal thing out my head somehow, because I cannot foresee undergoing a similar pain a few more months down the line.

No Sirreee....

Am I Over-Reacting?

As some of you may or may not have read in a previous blog entry; I am not exactly close to one of my sisters. In my attempt to slowly reconnect with her I decided to share a few of my poems with her. Not because I wanted her opinion or critique but just for the sake of sharing, as even though I've been writing since 05/06 I have never shared them with anyone within my family.

I know you're wondering what my point is but patience, I'm getting there, So I sent her 2/3 poems and she decides to share them with her co-workers.. fair enough, she replies and said she liked them.. fair enough.

Today I'm sitting at my desk at work, and in pops 2 Emails from my sister, the first was the Poem I wrote titled I am What I am, written for the My Identity Series by my friend and fellow blogger Lioness. A colleague who she had decided to forward my poem to decided to TWEAK it or so she says, now tell me; Did I ask for a critique, then again it was not a critique it was an amendment to my work................. I was mad, but I thought better of conveying this to my sister since she's so touchy to begin with.... my response, 'thanks but I prefer it the way it is and you can convey that to her'. It totally made it sound so sucky....to me anyways... If I wanted to convey how my family members may perceive me I would have n'est pas?. I am not a Proud African...I am a Proud West Indian ...hence the ending phrase... I am not English European as my father's foreparents were Potuguese, as far as I am aware, there is proably English, Dutch and French somewhere in the make-up for all I know based on the Caribbean's history hence the collective term.

This is What she DID..her amendments as you like are written in blue next to my original words....grrrrrrrrrrr.... Am I over-reacting to be feeling upset about this?

When asked who I be

A swirl of answers I identify (A swirl of adjectives identity me)

I am a loving Daughter

A loyal sister,

A lover,

An listening auntie and a loving grand-daughter.

If anyone inquires about my identity;

A multitude of responses I see

I am a Proud African,

A n English European,

A Caribbean Arawak,

A Carib, a Garifuna.

All of these are me.

When asked who I say that I am

Only a few responses are truly me (Only a few responses you'll get from me)

I am a product of man

A quintessential human

A mixture of many nations

I am simply a West Indian

A wonderous product of our one God's hand.

Copyrighted© 2009 By DDS 06/04/09

The other poem I sent my sister is called Le Fruit Inderdit (The Forbidden Fruit). It is about the 5 senses and I deliberately wrote it so that It can be opened to interpretation, whatever someone wants to take from it is up to them

Le Fruit Interdit

I see you

Rosily fresh

Glistening wickedly

Appealing

Tickling nostrils

Musky and manly

Your heady cocktail

Alluring

Ears perked

Heavenly baritones

Thrums and unwinds

Relaxing

Stirred up

Hard and sublime

Soft when required

Charming

To sip

Your sweet nectar

I desist

Afraid but

Aspiring

Copyrighted© 2008 By DDS

Her response: It's good...Samuel is obviuosly young....I twitched my nostrils at the second verse. The thought of sniffing a manky man at my ages is just not appealing!!

Did I ask her to sniff anything... and can you tell from reading this that the author is young is it because I can perceive sniffing a man... or so she believes.........grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr And Who says it's about a man......... and who's man is she calling manky???

I Remember You So Well... Charles William Nathaniel Jack.

15 Years ago on the 1st May 1994 you were taken away from me.

God had decided that it was time for you to come home. I still remember you so vividly and those memories of you I hold dear to my heart. You were the epitome of a Grandparent, a father to me while my dad your eldest son was away. I loved you so much that losing you was surreal at the time and even now it still seems like it was only yesterday.

I recall the days when you were stern, laying down the law in your gruff voice, but always open to my wheedling, granting me almost everything I asked for. My first attempt at cooking a meal was for you and even though it was not perfect you were thankful and grateful of my attempt. I remember the days of trekking your gun from one house to the other, held aloft for fear of accidentally shooting myself (even though you'd never send me for it if it wasn't safe for me to hold). The Extra Strong mints you always carried and bought extra of, just for us; your grandchildren, even now, my cousin religiously buys these.

For nearly a week as you lay in hospital where I was unable to see you at will and finally after my days of counting down until Sunday after church when I can finally come and visit you myself and see how you were, the sad news, delivered in the House of God; you had passed away, never for me to see you alive again, never for me to hug, never to hear you scold me so lovingly. Even now I can see myself as I was that day, bewildered, unwilling to believe what I had heard, and years after listening to the song; 'It is well withmy Soul' still brings me to tears every time, as only you I can think of.

RIP Grand father: Charles William N. Jack.... you are gone but definitely not forgotten...

Allez, Allez, Allez!

Allez Allez Allez!!

Come to me my sweet,

At the dusk end we shall meet.

Let us part take in the aged old dance

The heart of many a romance

Come to me...

Permit us to seek our own special retreat

To grow closer, as we both draw nearer

Fulfillment I require, satisfaction of my every desire.

Come to me...

Let us move to our own beat

As you stroke,

In me; a fire you awoke

Come to me...
Sweep me off my feet.

With your tender kisses,

Your intimate and precise caresses

Come to me...

Listen as my heart skips a beat.

When you take me to new heights,

Whilst we journey together on this flight

Come to me...

Let us add flames to this heat

Fanning the flames of our love

Our bodies molded together, like a hand to a glove.

Come to me...

A new dawn we shall greet.

Exploring and familiarizing ourselves with each other

Your hard contours, mine equally soft and tender

Come to me my sweet

No need to be discrete

As we dance our dance

We shall relish this given chance.

Copyrighted ©2006 By DDS All Rigts Reserved; Allez, Allez, Allez!!

Grrrrrrr.....

Someone's ANNOYING me and I can't say because I will hurt the person I love the most.

On Go Slow

Once again I didn't cook and I'm on a go slow as West Indians would term it. But, and I must stress this was not because I chose to be on a go slow, this was purely due to my mother insisting that she cook this weekend due to her having a house guest. So of course I was happy to take the break and not worry myself about what I should/shouldn't cook,

My mom's friend who is here for a week from the USA tasted my strawberry ice cream and proclaimed it to be very nice, this was prior to knowing that I had made it, a call for a second bowl was made and presto the last vestige of my ice-cream had finished. I wanted that to eat :(


To top it all off a request was made for more I-ce-cream and I succumbed, I made a fairly large amount and was even able to put some in a seperate bowl for my older brother and his wife. I fell prey to making more ice-cream partly because I wanted some myself and because from accross the oceans I was brought a huge stash of Butterfinger Chocolates. I love Butterfingers and it is one of the few things from my childhood that I still enjoy heartily. Wheneve anyone I know visits the USA, I always request only 1 thing from them; A Butterfinger chocolate bar. My mom's friend, brought me a box of 18 kingsize bars and 3 bags of minis, of course I had to share with my brothers, but I've still probably got enough to last until I go home to SVG, as my good friend Sabs also have a bag of minis fo me which I've yet to collect.

I've had a very long and trying week, and was quite depressed midway through. I've reached a stage where I'm sometimes very unhappy with my acheivements or even my plans for my future as I have so many plans but can't seem to move forwards with them. I had my twin lecturing me, my mother calling me in the middle of work to find out if I was ok, and my best friend JP asking me what's wrong and to all my response was: Nothing. Somehow I dragged myself out of the pit of darkness and was able to refocus, being thankful for what I did have and releasing my stresses through reading.

I'm sitting at home now, relaxing, reading a book called Gardens of Water by Alan Drew, which I'm enjoying immensely. I love when I'm able to read a book which allows me to discover/ understand even a small snippet of another culture. It's based in 1999 Turkey, and explores the hardship and struggles faced by a Turkish family having to overcome the disasters of an earthquake, a daughter that strives for independence, a fascination with an American boy and the love of her parents, and a father who has to contend with putting asside his pride for the greater good of his family, understanding his daughter, loving his son and satisfying his wife whilst providing for and making the right decisions for his family.

I'm so hooked on it that despite only starting it this afternoon I'm already midway through.... I can't wait to figue out how it ends. So saying I may need to make another trip to the library this week. Even though I love reading I dislike clutter and unless it's a book that absolutely moved me such as A House for Mr Biswas, The Godfather, or To Kill a Mockingbird, I see no other reasons to purchase books and keep them

I know a lot of you probably disagree with me here but...

I LOVE/ Hate ARSENAL

Exciting football, heart stopping moments. What is there not to love.

Oh My Gosh this Liverpool v Arsenal Match was a must see....WOW!!! A Bloody Draw but it was enjoyable... I'm vex now....... :(

It's great to purge...and Eight Things

Last night after my rant, I felt the need to text those around me whom I call friends and whose friendships mean the most to me... a simple text just thanking them for being in my life and for being who they are.. because as individuals and as a collective they each bring something very different but enriching to my life. We tend to overlook sometimes the powers of friendships and the warm feeling that a simple text, call or an email from a friend engenders.

I received a text last night from a very good friend, prior to her reading my rant and also prior to my own text, that friend was apologizing for not being there at times when I may have needed or wanted them.. and it warmed me to know that thought was given to their contribution to our friendship... but in all honesty not hearing from said person never bothers me simply because I have come to know them well and accept them wholly for who they are all shortcomings included. What matters to me is that on those most needy occasions they were there. When I need a sharp kick to wake me up I can expect to get it, at all times I can expect and know that the advice given would be sound and helpful.. so to that friend....... no worries I know that you will always be there when I really do need you.

.........................................................................................................................................................................

On another note I was tagged by the lovely Melissa @ Meme Love with an Eight Things so here goes:




8 Things I look forward to:

1. Getting home from work each day
2. Speaking to that person that makes my heart skip a beat and spending time with them.
3. Seeing my nieces and nephew and family and spending time with them.
4. My upcoming trip to SVG in August
5. Tennis Grand Slams
6. Reading a good John Grisham/ James Patterson
7. Finally being on the road and driving
8. Sleeping.


8 Things I did yesterday:

1. Woke up late and tired.
2. Went to work (late)
3. Ate a huge dinner that left me feeling like an overfilled water balloon.
4. Watched an episode of Desperate Housewives
5. Write on my blog and reminisced a bit.
6. Texted my friends a soppy message
7. Read a little bit of the book I've been reading over the last week.
8. Surfed the net until just after Midnight.


8 Things I wish I could do

1. Travel the whole world.
2. Speak fluent french.
3. Be in 2 places at the same time.
4. Buy all the clothes, shoes, bags, accessories that I want when I want it.
5. Buy back the Grenadine Islands that have been sold.
6. Live a care free relaxed life without worries.
7. Pursue my desire to learn different dances further.
8. Learn how to drive overnight.


8 Shows I watch

1. Desperate Housewives
2. CSI (New York, Miami, Vegas)
3. NCIS
4. Prison Break
5. Smallville
6. Brothers and Sisters
7. Dirty Sexy Money
8. Bones


8 Bloggers Tagged

1. Lioness
2. made in the eighties
3. Monica
4. Glamstar
5. TCG
6. Will
7. Ann's Friend
8. Rich


Enjoy your evening folks..

Missing Her!

This post is dedicated to the friend, sister, and confident long lost.

I miss her and from time to time I think about her, wondering what she's doing with her life, where she is, who she's with, whether or not she has changed or if that fun bubbly personality that I grew to love still exist. (I am talking about more than one person here).

I have to say that as of late my closest friends have been of the male species apart from a select few and my long standing and long suffering friend ALS. Though in all honesty I am finding that the older I get the less tolerance I have for others and particularly for stupidity. On that note... Have you ever had a friend or relative that switches on you for an extremely strange reason... one that you never fathom would end your friendship/ relationship.

I once had 3 really close friends (I guess the term to describe it as it was then would be BFFs) this was quite a while ago, back in the days of the second year of University. We were close or so I thought, spoke to each other all the time, discussed our fears, hopes, dreams, aspirations, how many kids we would have, and debated about how we would chose a 'Maid of Honor' at our prospective weddings when the time arises considering our supposed closeness... How NAIVE was I...

I guess putting 4 girls together of similar back grounds, strong headed and opinionated isn't always a good recipe for friendship because within 3 years of forming our so called bond it began to show crack at the seams... I made the mistake of going on holiday with 2 of them, at the height of a not too great patch in our friendship and promptly found myself seated separately on the out bound flight... luckily my best friends' dad was on the same flight and I was able to hang out with him at Gatwick until the flight was due. I immersed myself into the on board entertainment and slept for as much as possible, even crying silently to myself, my first holiday without another member of my family and I was already feeling homesick, wondering what possessed me into spending my money to going away even if that away was back to my country of birth.


Disembarking in Barbados, I decided that irrespective of the silent treatment I was receiving that I would be the bigger person and tried striking up a mundane conversation ( can you imagine not knowing what to say to someone you told your life to). Being that it was the Carnival season back in SVG there was as ususal problems with our flight and we were delayed until 21:00 that night... we somehow kept each others company and were able to overcome some of the awkwardness and started mending some of those patches. Getting off the plane in SVG, I was optimistic, maybe it would be a fun time after all, I was home; in SVG, I was going to be there for 6 weeks and despite the ridiculous start to it all I was determined to enjoy my holiday as I had family and other friends to hang out with.

For the first week or two we got along well enough, enjoyed the festivities in place and hung out as friends did, but I was always the one making the effort, going to meet them (as they were staying together) I was staying at my aunt's... but I didn't see this as a problem....I just accepted that I wasn't staying with them and therefor it's easier and more convenient for me to go where they were than for them to come where I was. It soon came time for my aunt and family to desert me for 3 weeks whilst they go off to New York and the plan was that I would spend the 3 weeks with my friends... I met up with one of my friends from primary school who lives in Vincy and went out with her on the Friday, with the intention of staying over at her house after, I was invited to attend a show, which her and her friends were hosting, I promptly called my other friends and invited them to join me and advised them that I would be spending the weekend with that friend but will see them on the Monday. I was met with a derogatory comment which alluded to me being a person of lose morals ( I was mad, I advised that if that was their opinion of me then they obviously didn't know me as well as they ought to). Honestly to my knowledge that was my last proper conversation with one of them in particular..apart from stating the obvious I'm not quite sure what changed, suffice to say I ended up spending my 3 weeks with my primary school friend and family as prior to moving to the UK... most of my childhood days were spent in their household and I was still very much comfortable there.

Though I made efforts to meet with my other friends, and to do things together these were not met and no invitations came my way. I soon stopped inviting or inquiring and got along with having fun...and boy did I have a blast... it was the worst and best holiday I could have asked for and I met a few people, 2 of whom are very much central in my current life and are more than worth the stresses of losing friendships.

Who knew that women could switch so easily... I certainly didn't... I miss them both at times... but that episode with them made me a better person.... I have learned not to give too many second chances.... once you've messed up with me it's more or less forever, life is too short to put up with BS and this has transferred to familial relationships as well.... maybe I'm being harsh but that famous saying of being once bitten twice shy stays within the heights of my conscience and being.

To those I currently call friends: Thank you for being who you are your friendships mean the world to me.

A little Taste of India...

I have overcome the laziness that has overshadowed me for the last couple of weeks. On Wednesday of this week I decided that I was going to cook chicken as I hadn't ate chicken on the last few Sundays due to not being home and of course over the Easter period meat is frowned upon, particularly on Good Friday.

Shopping was done on Friday evening, and I was only able to purchase the chicken as I was still unsure what the meal would be.. my mom settled it for me. Having had a quick scan through a book of chicken recipes she requested either Fruity Chicken Curry or Chicken Tikka Masala. I settled on the Chicken Tikka Masala...




Desert was an easier decision, I was getting slightly bored with chilled deserts and of cream, I wanted cake.... looking at the varying recipes left me salivating, should I make a traditional West Indian cake with lots of fruit, Black Wine and Rum.... or venture out and make one that I've never attempted....I chose to venture out and decided on a Carrot Cake... I love carrot cake but couldn't quite fathom making one: as my brother quite eloquently phrased it 'he can't just eat anyone's carrot cake as not everyone can make it the way it's meant to be made' and honestly even though I wanted to make it I felt the same... what if it doesn't taste like the ones I've had before... (Eeek).



I got up reasonably early for a Sunday, showered then dashed to the Supermarket to pick up some more ingredients for my cake and chicken, honey, hazelnuts, walnuts, bicarbonate of Soda, baking powder, garam masala and fresh corriander.... On another note I must add that the costs of ingredients seems to be depleting as I have to buy less each time on account of previous meals. Yay!!!

Returning home I ate some breakfast (if it can be called that at 12.30), then promptly immersed myself in the kitchen from that point thereafter until 17:30...can you believe it...5 hours standing on my feet slaving away in the kitchen.. the cake looked hideous when mixed...but looks and tastes very much like carrot cake should, moist, not too sweet and nutty. Like the cake the Tikka Masala also looked a bit iffy until finished... I guess it will take a bit of getting used to this cooking with yogurt and cream, it was tasty, very much similar in taste to the coconut and chilli pork but without the coconut... I really do believe that my favorite fresh herb is Corriander... I love the tatse and smell of it.

All in all dinner was good and it's good to be back and cooking... I am enjoying Indian/ Asian cuisine I believe, perhaps because like West Indian cuisine lots of spices and herbs are used in the preparation of meals.

Recipes to follow...

Thankful

Thankful!!!

On a daily basis we invite others into our lives

Whether temporarily or as a permanent fixture

With you I chose the latter.

Your smile always present, your wit as sharp as knives

On a daily basis we face conflicting issues

Some minor and insignificant others more somber

In all of these, I know I can count on you to be my pillar.

An attentive listener, your advice filled with virtue

On a daily basis we give thanks,

But, rarely for that which does actually matter.

And so, let me say in being frank

That I thank God frequently in my daily prayers,

For friends like you and others.

© 2008 by DDS, All rights reserved; Thankful

To Suhaylah

Strawberry Ice-Cream

This weekend I didn't really cook again, we resorted to West Indian. I am lazy as of late and can't quite muster up the energy to cook. It seriously takes a lot out of you, more than you can imagine. How do mothers do this everyday, I mean seriously! But I promise I'll be back soon, next week.

The only thing I attempted this week was Strawberry Ice-cream and damn was I stressed by the end of it. It started like any other, me shopping for my ingredients coming home all eager and raving to go wanting to get on with things and produce my master piece. Sounds like a walk in the park until things started going pear shaped.

I separated my eggs, the yolks were placed in a bowl with the caster sugar and stirred until light in color, the milk was on the burner being heated, and as per the recipe the warm milk was added to the egg yolk mixture, then poured back into the pan... now here's where it got tricky.. I am supposed to stir until thick and the mixture coats the back of a spoon... but ensuring that it does not boil.. and this was fine with me, after all I've done it twice before when I made coconut and then vanilla ice-cream... but not this time I'm stirring and stirring trying to regulate the heat... what happens...... the egg started scrambling.. ARGH!!!

Well obviously I couldn't now use this, I had to pour it down my sink... I know a waste of food but it wasn't intention. I got some more eggs and proceeded to make my custard again... it started well... I proceeded to stir, patiently waiting for it to thicken, but thicken it would not, I stood there for 30 minutes stirring, swearing, getting tired but nothing, then a brain wave perhaps there's too much liquid and not enough yolk, so I added another egg yolk and continued stirring, wonders it startet to work... until it started to scramble again slightly........arrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhh not again.. I felt like crying. I had no more eggs in the house after using 10 and the milk was near finish... brainwave, as it's only at the bottom of the pan... how about straining it... this I did... or tried doing, the strainer fell in twice and I had to strain and restrain... presto a result... it finally looked like it should without any lumps of clumps... relief.

I am not a patient person and throughout this process I was absolutely annoyed with my entire family.. my twin came and attempted to hug me and was nearly pushed straight accross the room... Don't touch me... just leave me alone... I don't like giving up and perseverance paid off, my ice-cream tastes great..... my mom can't get enough of it and it was worth the headache.

Beginning to rue the day I came up with the idea to start cooking...what the heck was I thinking.

I am What I am

This Poem was inspired by one of my best Friend's ALS's blog Theories of Anything, she has dedicated this month to the topic of Identity and is inviting guest Bloggers to post their opinions about their Identity to her... it is a brilliant idea which led me to ponder about myself..Who am I???

My Identity - I am What I am!

When asked who I be

A swirl of answers I identify

I am a Daughter

A sister,

A lover,

An aunt, a grand-daughter.

If anyone inquires about my identity;

A multitude of responses I see

I am an African,

A European,

An Arawak,

A Carib, a Garifuna.

When asked who I am

Only a few responses are truly me

I am a product of man

A quintessential human

A mixture of many nations

I am simply a West Indian

Copyrighted© 2009 By DDS All rights reserved; I am What I am.

Relativity….

In the furthest depths of my minds’ abyss

Alas, I fear something has gone amiss

An incarnation of conflicting emotions

Inflamed with a disturbing guilt.

A mind that highlights every possible fault,

A conscience that does not allow one to disregard.

An essence of differing reactions

Despair at the finality of and manner.

Elated that the defiance was there to take action.

Forgetting is out of the question, erudition the only solution

Time elapses and thoughts cycle

Allowing consciousness to descend

Our imperfections are what make us human

Having scruples and using it, is far from inhumane.

In the furthest depths of my minds’ abyss

I rejoice, here now lays total bliss.

Copyrighted©2008 By DDS

I'm Sick Sick Sick

Since Tuesday of this week I have been fighting the onslaughts of the flu... it started on Sunday night with my throat feeling extremely odd, not hurting but slightly blocked where I felt the need to clear it every 30 seconds and drank water all day Monday in hopes that whatever is assailing me will disappear... Tuesday saw me at work feeling slightly worse for the wear but I soldiered on and worked through it. Though by the time I got off the train and had to walk the 5 minutes to my house I felt like I was ready to collapse. I crawled home... well not literally of course but I was close.. when I got in I was greeted with the comment "Christ you're slow... you know how long I see you turned the corner". It obviously took me quite a while to get into the house if that was noted.

I exchanged my work garments for 2 jumpers,,yes I did say 2, I was freezing, pajama bottoms, a thick pair of socks and to cap it off a blanket. I plunked myself onto my sofa, pulled my baby close and snuggled in. Somehow I ended up being awake until 1:00pm that night researching something for a future blog post and searching for a dress to wear to my friend's wedding.

By 11:30 however, my throat was killing me and I couldn't swallow without thinking that at any point soon my life was going to end. I got up and made myself a cup of strong black coffee with sugar and lemon juice... as gross as this may sound it works wonders for a soar throat, it worked but only for about 20 minutes, I braced myself for round two and made another cup, ahhhhhhhh bliss my soar throat went away and all my layers seem to have staved off the fever... I woke up feeling like my old self and felt like I had finally knocked the flu for a six for once... but alas it was not to be... this evening I find myself with a headache, feeling feverish once more and worse of all I am getting a terrible cold and cannot stop sneezing.

Luckily for my family I'm not cooking this weekend otherwise they would probably get a bit more than they bargained for. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

Night all...

Bring Back Neo-Soul

I have gotten myself into a very melancholy mood.

It started from listening to a song I was sent...by Tarrus Riley...it is now my favorite song for obvious reasons. Having listened to it a few times I was in the need for more music.

It sent me on a YouTube hunt... because of my laziness to search for any CDs.

I started by seeking out more of Tarrus Riley, he's got such a pure voice and the lyrics to his songs are so meaningful and heart reaching. I forged onwards and listened to some Tanya Stephens, Morgan Heritage and Beres Hammond and these put me in a great mood for Neo-Soul.

You know the kind of music where you are relaxed, in a good mood, and want to listen to whilst spending time with that special person in your life or thinking about that person or even if it's just to make you feel better about yourself internally. I was in that mood, where I wanted to focus my energies on thinking of that person and the joys of it all.

Having spent the better part of an hour listening to India Arie, Jill Scott, Angie Stone, John Legend and others and I feel mellow now but moody, it has also left me pondering about the state of music at present, everything now seems more about the beat than the lyrics. Whatever happened to good clean pure music with lyrics that mean something... don't get me wrong there are still a few tunes that you hear and think wow but it's not so much the case as of late... I guess everything has its season.

This week I took a hiatus from the cooking and will be dining out next week so sorry to say no updates this week on the culinary front.

Have a nice evening all...I shall bid you adieu while I return to my melancholy...

I am Happy.

I am feeling extremely happy and secure and it's a very warm feeling which feels like it's bubbling up inside wanting to push forth and spread to everyone around. I went to bed on a high and woke up on a high, all be it feeling as though I needed at least another 4 hours of sleep. I have a bad habit of leaving the house with only 5 minutes to spear and running like hell to the train station...

Today like any other in my world I got up later than I really should, dilly dallied then attempted to rush into the shower, except the universe wanted me to slow down and I promptly felt my feet slipping from under me, I landed with a crash bang and a thud in the shower, with my left elbow and my right knee aching. I got up slowly, wanting to cry and tried to convince myself that I had a genuine excuse to go into work late, I contemplated ringing to advise that I had had an accident which has rendered me incapable of moving at present time... But as usual my infinitesimal conscience kicked in and I quickly showered and got dressed, leaving the house 4 minutes before my train was due.

Luckily for me I live 5-10 minutes walking distance away from my train station. I quickly dashed out of my house running to get my train and hopped the fence as I usually do each day (I wear trousers..won't dream of doing so in a skirt) and promptly banged my other knee bone into the fence and mind you the fence is made from metal. It hurt but I couldn't allow any time to slow down and ponder on the pain as it would have all be accrued in vain, so I continued running. I always deny whenever my brothers call me clumsy but I am slowly beginning to believe that this must really be the case.

This was further solidified by my colleagues description of me using my name... Lumbering...I mean who really uses that word anymore.. sniff* sniff* :(


Determined, I am known as the go to person for any problems or queries that needs answering.

Ambitious, I am extremely ambitious and always set myself personal goals

Noisy, I'm not sure if I agree with this one, I can be excitable but noisy is definitely not who I am.

Insolent, I am blunt to the point of rudeness sometimes but at least I am honest. Those that know me love me for it.

Educated, my parents have always encouraged studying and I actually enjoy doing so.

Lean, you can tell a man came up with this right, guess this describes my figure to a T.

Lumbering, apparently I lumber about, I'm always in a rush at work, running from place to place and bumping into things....lol

Elegant, now tell me stark contradiction right, lumbering then elegant... guess where I am sometimes lumbering I also emit some sense of elegance.

Ahhh ... can't please everyone right. I accept it all with grace, except noisy, I am not noisy, at all. Lion-ess? Back me up here please!