Missing Her!

This post is dedicated to the friend, sister, and confident long lost.

I miss her and from time to time I think about her, wondering what she's doing with her life, where she is, who she's with, whether or not she has changed or if that fun bubbly personality that I grew to love still exist. (I am talking about more than one person here).

I have to say that as of late my closest friends have been of the male species apart from a select few and my long standing and long suffering friend ALS. Though in all honesty I am finding that the older I get the less tolerance I have for others and particularly for stupidity. On that note... Have you ever had a friend or relative that switches on you for an extremely strange reason... one that you never fathom would end your friendship/ relationship.

I once had 3 really close friends (I guess the term to describe it as it was then would be BFFs) this was quite a while ago, back in the days of the second year of University. We were close or so I thought, spoke to each other all the time, discussed our fears, hopes, dreams, aspirations, how many kids we would have, and debated about how we would chose a 'Maid of Honor' at our prospective weddings when the time arises considering our supposed closeness... How NAIVE was I...

I guess putting 4 girls together of similar back grounds, strong headed and opinionated isn't always a good recipe for friendship because within 3 years of forming our so called bond it began to show crack at the seams... I made the mistake of going on holiday with 2 of them, at the height of a not too great patch in our friendship and promptly found myself seated separately on the out bound flight... luckily my best friends' dad was on the same flight and I was able to hang out with him at Gatwick until the flight was due. I immersed myself into the on board entertainment and slept for as much as possible, even crying silently to myself, my first holiday without another member of my family and I was already feeling homesick, wondering what possessed me into spending my money to going away even if that away was back to my country of birth.


Disembarking in Barbados, I decided that irrespective of the silent treatment I was receiving that I would be the bigger person and tried striking up a mundane conversation ( can you imagine not knowing what to say to someone you told your life to). Being that it was the Carnival season back in SVG there was as ususal problems with our flight and we were delayed until 21:00 that night... we somehow kept each others company and were able to overcome some of the awkwardness and started mending some of those patches. Getting off the plane in SVG, I was optimistic, maybe it would be a fun time after all, I was home; in SVG, I was going to be there for 6 weeks and despite the ridiculous start to it all I was determined to enjoy my holiday as I had family and other friends to hang out with.

For the first week or two we got along well enough, enjoyed the festivities in place and hung out as friends did, but I was always the one making the effort, going to meet them (as they were staying together) I was staying at my aunt's... but I didn't see this as a problem....I just accepted that I wasn't staying with them and therefor it's easier and more convenient for me to go where they were than for them to come where I was. It soon came time for my aunt and family to desert me for 3 weeks whilst they go off to New York and the plan was that I would spend the 3 weeks with my friends... I met up with one of my friends from primary school who lives in Vincy and went out with her on the Friday, with the intention of staying over at her house after, I was invited to attend a show, which her and her friends were hosting, I promptly called my other friends and invited them to join me and advised them that I would be spending the weekend with that friend but will see them on the Monday. I was met with a derogatory comment which alluded to me being a person of lose morals ( I was mad, I advised that if that was their opinion of me then they obviously didn't know me as well as they ought to). Honestly to my knowledge that was my last proper conversation with one of them in particular..apart from stating the obvious I'm not quite sure what changed, suffice to say I ended up spending my 3 weeks with my primary school friend and family as prior to moving to the UK... most of my childhood days were spent in their household and I was still very much comfortable there.

Though I made efforts to meet with my other friends, and to do things together these were not met and no invitations came my way. I soon stopped inviting or inquiring and got along with having fun...and boy did I have a blast... it was the worst and best holiday I could have asked for and I met a few people, 2 of whom are very much central in my current life and are more than worth the stresses of losing friendships.

Who knew that women could switch so easily... I certainly didn't... I miss them both at times... but that episode with them made me a better person.... I have learned not to give too many second chances.... once you've messed up with me it's more or less forever, life is too short to put up with BS and this has transferred to familial relationships as well.... maybe I'm being harsh but that famous saying of being once bitten twice shy stays within the heights of my conscience and being.

To those I currently call friends: Thank you for being who you are your friendships mean the world to me.