Maybe It Really Is!!???

Now the final part of Dawn's saga as I know it and my reasons for writing about it.

He calls and Dawn goes running, eager to try and resolve their differences and so at 2am she leaves her mother's home once more to move back in with him. They have apparently been able to get over the fact that he had literally kicked her out. She moves back in and here it comes... his next demand it's your JOB or Me!!! You need to quit...because apparently he will be getting a job soon, even though after more than a year he hasn't seemed bothered to ... WTF....

I pondered writing about this until the last straw, it was too unbelievable not to write about, too strange for me to imagine a woman in this modern times putting up with all of this bull. So I chose to share.. to hopefully enlighten others out there who may be faced with a similar situation but never took stock to analyze it.. who may be holding on to something that doesn't exist or at the very least a love that is unrequited.

My conclusion, the only plausible argument I can give to myself to excuse Dawn's actions, it's her first boyfriend... and the first cut really is the deepest. I'm not sure how many of you remember your first.. but it always seems to be the one you can't quite let go of too easily...for me it was anyways it was harder to pick up and move forward, harder to accept that your ideals on life aren't as black and white as they appear. That's when the realization sinks in that those romance books you've read are called fiction for a reason. Life is built on experiences and sometimes we've got to open our eyes and realize that we have had an experience and to let it go, to end it and to learn from it...

I have always been pragmatic in my approach to many things in life, making decisions for me and not because others think I should. I only hope and pray that Dawn will wake up and realize that there is greater and better in life... that because one relationship fails all wouldn't... to wake up and realize that being alone is just as great as being in a relationship and finally to learn to love herself and to know herself.

It's really a sobering story and as unbelievable as it sounds it is someones truth, someone's life. Having discussed this story in depth with my mother bless her soul, she rejoices because according to her even though she wasn't a strong person in her youth she is safe in the knowledge that at least her daughter has some sort of inner strength and character.

Or is it?

Continuing with the story of Dawn, having acquired a dog they could ill afford and feed, it was inevitable that the dog will become ill and that they would be unable to afford its medication thus poor doggy had a short life span and Dawn unlike the smart person that she appeared to be growing up was out with her boyfriend looking for another dog.

Somehow common sense took over or maybe it was the lack of finance and luckily they did not acquire another dog. Continues there seeming bliss, with Dawn paying the bills and even though they were sharing a house with other friends/ relatives of her boyfriend, the rent which was meant to be split 3 ways was totally paid for on quite a few occasions by Dawn, who with a few promises of having her money returned have yet to smell a scent of or even glimpse her money back.

Then it happened coming home from work one day, she is greeted by her bags packed nicely for her and a request for her to leave as she is no longer needed as apparently he has now figured out how to use the washing machine.

Writing this I am still awed that someone can put up with all of this and still be seemingly oblivious to the fact that love is not meant to be like this...

Where would you be, would you have been there for months paying the bills whilst he's unemployed and seemingly without any aims of finding employment? Would you be content at being taken for a ride by his friends/ family?

I definitely wouldn't be... I can't say for sure that I wont ever be in such a situation as no one knows what the future holds, however I do believe I'm too much of a strong character to be strung along, too focused on achieving things in my life to be held down. And I've definitely found someone who has my best interest at heart.

The First Cut is the Deepest

I haven't posted in a while but I've been inspired to do so by some unbelievable stories I've been hearing as of late... and I'm wondering if any of my blogger friends would fall prey to a similar situation. I hope not! I certainly can't see me being in this position.

I will lay the plot..

Dawn is young, pretty and smart. She's 18 and has met a guy who she falls head over heels for, before long she has moved out of her parental home to live with her boyfriend. As mentioned previously she is smart, has found herself a well paying job for someone her age, earning as much as £22000 per year. Her boyfriend, he's jobless, a pampered child, spoiled further by the lady in his life, who pays the bills, including the rent and gets him everything he asks for. Including a dog they can ill afford to keep and maintain.

I ask you so far... Ladies would you be wise enough to see yourself through this situation?

To Be continued...

Parents, Where would we be without them

Today is still the 17th of June and with that I would like to publicly wish my dad blessings on his birthday and pray that he shall see many more with me to share them with. It's now 20 minutes before midnight and I shall be wishing birthday greetings to another parent.

On the 18th June my mom reaches a milestone as she is going to be 50. Luckily for her she doesn't look 50 and prides herself on the fact that a work colleague recently thought that she was still 35.

So to my parents who have thought me much in life, to be independent of will and mind and to also be able to stand up for myself and others, I say thank you. Like any family we have differences but I won't trade them. I Love you Mom and Dad...


I am Changing…


Half a woman half a child
Story of my life for but a while


Living in a world ruled by Man
a microcosm stricken by inequities
derailed by injustices and impieties
forced to face the reality
of mortal fallacy

Acknowledging the ways of the Land
to acquiesce
and show penitence and benevolence
the essence
of continued human existence.

Learning from my parents,
to accept all things in life
Facing each struggle and strife
With humility and optimism
Willing to accept any criticism

Seeking advice of others
Seeing not as authoritarian my elders
but rather as friends, and mentors
Listening and understanding
Before at first undertaking

Now that I am a Woman
and more mindful of others
My kindness, acceptance and love I show to my earthly brothers
and even though from my mouth my love I do not spew
My actions and writings convey how much I do


Half a woman, half a child
Story of my life for but a while



Copyrighted© By DDS 28/05/09 Dedicated to My Parents.

Please look up... Please!!!

From as far back as I can remember my family back home in St Vincent have always had pets, my grandmother on my mom's side of the family had lots of dogs running around her yard and I was always fascinated with puppies and kittens I mean how can you not adore them when they're all small and playful and unforgivably cute. My dad's family were a lover of both dogs and cats and there was always a cat winding its way between feet. I accepted them as part of the family and at times stroked or rubbed at their furs and ensured that they were well fed and cleansed.

I wasn't totally in love but hey they were there, and despite a close encounter with one of my gran's dogs (In my naive way of thinking and reasoning I thought it amusing to clap in front of each dog until one appropriately named Rover growled and lounged at me snapping it's teeth) when I was about 5/6 I still played with the dogs and cats around the house. This soon changed at the age of 12 when one of our neighbor's dogs bit me, from this day forth I detested dogs and this detest soon passed on to include animals and anything that was basically not human.

You may be wondering why I am reminiscing about my childhood, well I had an encounter today that reinforced even further this distaste of dogs. Firstly let's digress for a bit, the unthinkable is seemingly happening to me, I have put on weight not a huge amount but enough so that it is noticeable by myself and enough to make me want to ensure I do something about my fitness, not to lose the weight because let's face it, growing bigger boobs is a plus for a skinny person. In my quest to ensure that I am at least fit, I have agreed to accompany a work colleague and neighbor on a half hour's jog each weekday morning at 06:30. We have been doing so successfully for the last few weeks and have encountered a few dog walkers in the park on most mornings.

They seem to think that they have free rein of the park and are always walking their dogs unleashed. So, this morning I'm jogging around, when I noticed dogs in the distance, I immediately stopped and commenced walking as I have a fear of dogs since being bitten. One of the dogs upon seeing me stopped it's sniffing, looked at me with it's head cocked to one side then proceeded to run towards me growling, I thought; stand still play statue, but it continued growling then eventually barking and the stupid owner is off in the distance playing with the other dog not noticing my distress, upon hearing the persistent barking though she finally looks up and realizes what was happening and called her dog towards her, which thankfully it did and I started walking again, but then it came rushing back at me barking and growling once more, at which point my heart started pounding at an extremely fast rate I contemplated running and climbing up a tree, but the trees around were too small and leafy and looked difficult to get to any safe place, and I figured by the time I got to it the dog would be on me, I promptly started crying and trembling not sure what to do but try and stay still.

Thankfully she was able to call it off once more and had the gall to tell me don't be scared it's only a pup. Okay, if it's only a pup why in the hell is it bigger than my 2 year old niece and more importantly why is it growling and barking at me... I immediately went up to my colleague and promptly told her that I was going home and had no intentions of using that park again, better safe than sorry I'd say

I know there are a lot of animal lovers out there but right now i'm going to repeat...

I HATE DOGS.

On to Greener Pastures

So yet another person has left my work place for greener pastures, this time it's our training officer and of those that I work with, she's definitely someone I'll miss a lot. Even though she hasn't failed to remind me on a daily basis for the last 3 weeks of her count down to her departure.

It wasn't a huge gathering due to a break down in communication but whatever it was those of us that did turn up had a fantastic time. The food was lovely, we had Indian and I must say that it was unexpectedly good, not because it was Indian but simply because I didn't know that the restaurant even existed even though it's only a 5 minute drive from my house, and because it's in Slough. I know I live here but I haven't got too many high expectations of it. We had a blast and those of you who did not come... you missed out. It was a nice group of like minded fun loving people just bent on having a good time.

Ms Hughes... you'll be missed and thanks for your kind words...

East Indian Influences- My Soca Memories

I was up until 2:00am last night, doing not a lot much, stumbling to my room, I realized that I could hear the sweet sounds of music emanating from above, one of my neighbors was obviously having a party. I listened carefully trying to distinguish the beats and lyrics of the song playing and I realized to my surprise that it was recognizable to me, it was the sweet sounds of SOCA. I felt immediately like gate crashing even though I knew not whose party or where exactly in the building it was coming from. I hadn't listened to SOCA music in quite a while and I was longing for it like an alcoholic to alcohol. My memories took me back to my trip home to Vincy in 2006, when I had an absolutely fabulous time with my best friend JP and his friends and got familiar with the songs of that period.

I was lying in my bed gyrating to the songs from above, finally I was lulled into sleep. Today I had to listen to some Soca in particular a CD of music I had from that year, I played it at full volume and stood on my balcony singing loudly in my out of tune manner and gyrated my hips to the sweet addictive hip moving sounds of Soca... one particular song I couldn't wait to hear was 'Dont Stop' by Shurwayne Winchester. It's Soca with a twist of East Indian influences and makes me dance every time...